THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE JOINING COMPUS PART 2

I would really love to know what comes to your mind when you think about university life. Do you always think that it is a fun part of life, or do you take it seriously, like setting your goals early in advance and ensuring you achieve them? Are you that person that takes it as a chance to form connections, meet different people, and have a lot of friends? Do you also feel like you are free, so you can spread your wings high, do anything and everything you have always thought of, like partying, clubbing every weekend, starting your weekend on a Thursday, trying a number of drugs, having a ‘”‘mubaba’ or ‘’‘mumamaa’? Or going for road trips and slaying on social media. Did I mention going on multiple dates with different people and joy riding on your friends’ dates to get free food and treats? Some of these were my goals, as you read in the previous post, so ’let’s dig deep.

As much as I would really love to say I was a saint. Like I had educational goals set and ready to be achieved, attended all Sunday services, went to morning devotion, Christian camps, and outreach programs without fail. I would be lying if I refrained from fornication, went to bed early, and was punctual on all my classes. Deep down, I know that this is the wish of most parents, for their children to be well-mannered and focused on their education. Sometimes, our parents’ expectations can make us skip some stages in our lives, which are vital. Regardless, it is good to obey your parents and try as much as possible to find yourself.

KNOWING GOD AND GOING TO CHURCH

I used to be in the praise and worship team in high school. However, I joined when I was in form -three, the third term. It was not the case of running to God last minute; I just felt the need to be more connected to him. I did lead praise and worship songs; some Sundays, I would preach and guess what I enjoyed being in his presence. Back to campus the first semester, I went to church almost every Sunday. I had good roommates who were so devoted, which I liked. With time, I became lazy; I would skip some Sundays just to sleep or go out with my friends. I later realized some members of the church were hypocrites. They used to do weird kinds of stuff during the week, and on Sundays, they were holier than thou. I knew very well that I was not supposed to be bothered by their actions. While that was not a good enough reason to stop going to church, this was the other reason I did not go to church services.

One day I decided to join a bible study group. When we were in the middle of the discussion, tackling, I guess a verse from Leviticus, which speaks about witches and stuff, a random girl in the group spoke and said ““do you know Tonda (not his real name)? I had that he practices black magic.””

Another member added, ““yeah, I also heard that he was brought up in the coast and that his grandmother had a big snake he inherited after her death.”

‘I even heard that once one of their neighbors found him feeding the serpent, until today, she is voiceless,’ another added.

They continued with the story for a while, saying some absurd things about that guy. I listened attentively and asked questions like; ‘are you sure? Is that for real? I doubt that what happened next.’ since I am the curious type.

At the end of that discussion, I had mixed reactions. I wanted to hear such stories from Tonda (maybe through testimony or something of the sort). I imagined that I wouldn’t feel good if I realized that some church members were gossiping about me. Not only that, but, also, I wouldn't say I liked the way they judged that guy since the discussion was only based on assumptions. To add salt to the injury, they would look at him with contempt any time he entered the church as if they were the only saints remaining on the planet. What I really knew was that, I was not ready to be a hypocrite. I preferred talking to God in my desired time at my desired place. That was the end of my going to church. Up to date, I have never gotten the courage to go to church but I am spiritually upright.

SOCIALIZING AND MAKING OF FRIENDS

Friends are so easy to get but also easy to lose. Can someone survive without friends? Yes, is it healthy? No. Once on campus, always aim to expand your circle as much as you can. This enables you to meet a variety of individuals with different characters, personalities, skills, levels of financial freedom, etc. It is a crucial stage that will determine your future relations. As for me, I was outgoing, and also, I was not. My first friend was a guy we met while paying school fees first day on campus. He was highly spirited, and we helped each other know the school better. I could really count on him and vice versa. Later he moved to a different faculty, and we drifted slowly. Coming to think about it, I wished I could have followed him. He went to do hospitality which is something I have grown fond of; he was a true one.

Real Friends

Always be accommodating, do not banish someone immediately; you never know.  It took me a while before I had girlfriends on campus. The girlfriends I knew were my roommates, we did not have a lot in common, so we rarely hang out. I remember how I met my first close friend. The lecturer had issued the first assignment, so we had to form groups of ten in order to tackle the assignment. At first, I thought my other friends would include me in their group, but I was disappointed to realize that I was left out. I had to swallow my pride and approach these babes who I ignored earlier. 

“Hello, do you have a discussion group? “She asked

“No, but I am sure my friends have included me in theirs.” I answered.

After realizing am not in their group, that’s when we decided to form a group with this babe and later became close friends. If my old friends had included me in their group, I could not have met my first girlfriend. It was a win on my end.

Fake Friends

When trying to make new friends, do not be too trusting. Gauge them first and know which part of you, you are willing to share with that individual. As my sister like to say, treat everyone as a suspect. Some people come into your life to corrupt your being. To take all your opportunities and privileges and find loopholes they can use to destroy you, so be vigilant. While on campus, this guy suddenly became interested in my friends and me. Being the generous and naïve type, we warmed up to him and even invited him to our house and vice versa. In case we hosted parties, he was on the list; we thought we were friends. After some time, he went cold on us, not knowing what we did. In case we met on our way to class or any other place, he could pretend and behave as if we were not around. We decided not to force friendship and moved on.

I do not know if the above scenario fits to call someone a fake friend, but since he left without disclosure, I guess it fits. Coming to think about it, this was a premonition alerting us to be careful with our friends. Imagine something similar to that happened again; we had a group of friends, let’s call them the big boys, as they were. They were so close we could count on them. Plan things and involve them, being sure that they will not disappoint us. We shared a group discussion; you know that group that when you are in, the probability of passing is high in terms of cat marks and even exams. I really admired their unity. During exams, they were willing to help where possible. Sitting beside them during exams was a win.

Being Dumped

As usual, when we start a new semester, people always have goals. We did not know that the big boy’s dreams were to dump us unknowingly. We started the semester smoothly; after two weeks, the lecturers started to issue assignments. Thinking we (me and one of my girlfriends) retained the group, we waited for a way forward from the WhatsApp group. We were eager to start this assignment (new goal; to be serious and focused). After two days of silence, we decided to approach a guy in the group to know the plan. Guess what he told us, ‘I am not sure whether the group is intact and do not know how they are planning to do the assignment. ‘After the conversation, we checked whether we had missed some updates in the WhatsApp group. We were shocked to realize that every member of that discussion group had left the group. We were the only people left in it.

Do you think these people were actual friends? Trying to justify their action; we were not serious with our work, we always went to discussions late and with reason. We always researched on the assignment, but realized that they did not include our work in the final copy. Leading to reduced efforts from our side. At some point, I had a disagreement with one of the members, but I cannot say it was a reason enough for them to dump us like that. I know that if they were real friends, they could have shared the reason behind their actions. So that we could change where possible and maintain the friendship outside schoolwork. Since that day, our company was never the same.

To sum it up, be free-spirited and accommodating. Do not force issues; if someone rejects you, dust him or her off and move. The world and even the place you are in have more wonderful people willing to be by your side with or without a reward. Despite having fake friends, I had real gems too. We had this guy who was always around. He taught us new swimming skills and even fun games to play. Another one was genuinely generous; when I had a problem and approached him, he was willing to sacrifice for me. I also had amazing girlfriends; though we had our differences, we were always there for each other. Even after university, I realized that there were other people that I never approached or felt that they were out of reach. Given a chance, we could have made a good team with them. If someone pushes you away, do not dwell on that position and move as fast as you can to meet your real gems. Always be grateful in any situation you are in, because it might be a sign to change to reap more. Lastly always focus on the positive side .

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